last August days.....

I am relaxing with the last August days, watching the sun rise a little later every morning.  The dew and morning fog hangs heavier over the fields. The resident hawk is insistently screaming at me this morning, has his/her partner left? My tack is getting oiled and the britches are being pulled out of the back of the closet. I fetched my brown cubbing boots up from the basement. The rhythm of the fall is pushing back into its place. I am waiting to hear a geese honk as it flies over, then I really know it is time. I wake and wonder "What now?" every morning. As I resume my daily routine, it is like an echo in the back of my mind. The kids are done. I did a good job; three college graduates, two married and homeowners, one starting a wonderful career in a new city, but "Now what?" Writing the book about the hunt club filled all last year, with weddings and buying houses and the last college graduation still occupying the Mom part. Now I need a new career. Part of me wants to just go hunting and see what unfolds, part of me wants to pick up my book about Blackbeard or my vampire girl, part of me wants to pull the covers over my head. What I have to do is go feed!  It is going to be beautiful day and I am going to stop listening to my worrying mind and go feel this new rhythm on top of a horse.

Not sure about the "empty nest"...

The U-Haul is packed and ready for our trip to Charlotte. Will's car is also stuffed to the top with his clothes, books, workout equipment, whatever. It all just barely fit and I'm glad I have two "movers" meeting us to unload all this into Will's new apartment. I am really not sure how I feel about my empty nest. There are now three empty bedrooms upstairs. I walk into them some days and just stand, a little shocked at the space and quiet. Life is full with new plans and my usual routines- 20 horses to feed, ride, etc- but the rhythm of the mom's life is pretty much all gone. It is odd. The kids really have "left". After twenty-two years, those upstairs bedrooms are now used when they "visit". I should be glad, I am glad that three kids have found happiness, husbands, wives and girlfriends, purposeful work, their own credit cards!, but today I am allowed to be sad. Love you all and miss you. Mom

Home and Happy!

It is a beautiful morning, blue cloudless sky and not killer hot! A good day and I am home again and happy. That is the point of Happy Birthday right? Well, I am happy. I always appreciate my birthday because the alternative would really suck - don't mind be another year older, it feels like a gift, the only one I really want - another year. Another year to love my family and to enjoy this life. We had a wonderful vacation trip to the Canadian rockies, seeing my sisters and getting my "fix" of mountains. There is nothing quite like looking at mountains so big they just dwarf everything around them. Puts everything in perspective- we are really just dust motes in history's timeline. The view from the top of the gondola in Banff was so beautiful. I did post pictures so I hope everyone could see the majesty of those mountains. I love getting a break from my routine; that is what is so great about vacation, not having to rush to get everything done and be somewhere at a certain time etc. And after the break, it is great to come home. I love going to bed in my own bed after hotels. It feels so good to curl up in your own spot. The resident hawk was here this morning to say 'hello' and the horses and dogs all did great while we were gone. Thank you Joanie and Ernesto. It was a gift and I appreciate it, the dogs were looking for you guys- you must have spoiled them!

Dawn's early light

Dawn is still my favorite time of day. I watch the pink of dawn go through all the colors of the rainbow as I sit with a cup of coffee. The night-time bats silent swooping changes to the early bird calls as the light grows. The dark tree line becomes slowly green and you can watch the ground mist lying close to the dew. Ghostly horses or deer become visible and the day warms. I love this time of awakening. Everything is possible as a new day dawns. No matter what tragedy happened yesterday, it still dawns and nature' s beauty is opened with infinite grace and love. The crepe myrtle is blooming and I want a dress that perfect shade of magenta- in fact - I think I have a dress in that shade. Perhaps that is how we pick clothes, to replicate the awesome colors we see around us. I would never pair magenta with dark green, but you know it looks great on that tree!! As my friend Murphy says, Good Morning Peeps!

Will's next big adventure

"Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold; the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul."
- Democritus


This quote greeted me this morning on Facebook and I thought it was a wonderful thought with which to send Will off on his next adventure in the Big Apple. He is moving into the "real world" of financial analysis  and I think he will have a great time. He, however, is a little anxious. I wanted to remind him, one last time,  of the important things, like doing the "right thing" and integrity and kindness. Of listening to people before launching into your own opinion; that it is not so much that you get it "right" but that you always give 100% and ask the right questions, pay attention and try. Happiness truly does reside within and it springs forth from the smiles of the people around you. People want to be around upbeat people , that is one of Will's great strengths, he is optimistic and a little idealistic, but in a good way. I will miss him greatly and I wish him Godspeed on this next "ride". Love you son.

somber grey today

My heart aches for the families in Colorado. Yesterday was a very emotional day, every time I caught the TV,  I was sucked into listening to the horror of what happened in Aurora, Colorado. What is it about Colorado?  Only 12 miles from Columbine! My two sons went to the midnight show of Batman here in Annapolis and, instinctively,  I reached out to them yesterday morning to say "Are you OK, I love you." My heart aches for those Moms whose sons went to a movie and didn't come back. I watched in tears as that one man on TV cried out for help in finding his son, whose birthday was yesterday, who had not come home from the movie. How do you deal with that kind of anguish-I don't know. I just know I felt wretched yesterday and broke down several times, in tears, just weeping for such senseless loss of life. Today the skies are grey, overcast. The cool, rain-dampened air is a relief from the heat. Both the horses and I just stood in the rain yesterday and let it fall on our skin, it felt so good. Washing away the sweat and grime from their coats and, mirroring my soul, mixing with the tears on my face. I am so sorry for their loss, may their faith and families give them comfort .

a "siege " of herons...

I looked it up yesterday and for those who care, a flock of herons is known as a "siege " of herons. I decided to brave the spider webs and deer ticks and went to look at the beaver dams yesterday. The big stream I mentioned was low enough that I could walk down its muddy banks in some places and I eventually found the new beaver dam. The water level is 2/3 down I guess, which exposes the dam and it engineering secrets. I was able to walk across the dam, it is that solid. No sign of the beavers there now, but I continued on to the bigger beaver dam I know about, on my neighbor's land and it too was down, probably 3/4. These beavers have  created a "lake" with lots of beaver-downed large trees in the middle. I was able to actually walk out into the middle of what is now more like a swamp than a lake and lo, and behold, I found the blue herons! I think it is a rookery. About 4 big herons lifted off as the Labrador and I carefully walked out in the muck. Then I watched 2 or 3 "baby" herons squawk and crash into tree branches close by. It was amazing to watch these gangly birds so close. This morning 4 of them just flew over again, so I assume I did not scare them all away. It was worth lots of spider webs in the face and I hope I washed all the ticks off in the subsequent shower.