Sunday night

As this long Thanksgiving holiday weekend is coming to an end , I am watching the last Sunday night football game (Ravens v. Steelers). I love the sound of football, it is somehow synonymous with lovely, lazy Sundays. A week ago I was just coming out of recovery from the thumb surgery and I could hear the game on somewhere. It was reassuring and I, then, turned Monday night football on the next night in my hospital room for the same reassuring sound of home. I like the sound of the announcer's voices. They become so recognizable , they sound like family, kinda talking in the other room. You don't always listen but you like that they are there. My husband has been taking care of me this whole long week of IV's and pain meds etc. He looked at me and said that it had felt like a vacation. I replied, " No, a staycation!" Strange, it has been very nice to spend all this time with him and I will miss him when he goes back to work tomorrow. Even when I am cranky , he is my best friend.

I am watching Michael Oher play football. He is the "star" of the movie "The Blind Side" ,which I went to see Friday night. It was excellent, best movie I've seen in awhile. What a difficult, courageous life full of pain and surprising twists and turns he has had and he is only like -24! I love feel good movies and I guess most people do. The theatre was packed. Long time since I so a movie so full.

Life is good. Our puppy is fun and floppy and soft and smells like a new puppy. My horses are all healthy (knock on wood) at the moment. Louis , the big Warmblood , with the "broken" coffin bone is out in the pasture and seems to be walking OK. I still give him 1 bute a day and he'll probably have the whole year off. I hope he comes around sound- he might. The weanling with the "fat" hind leg is out too, and seems to be moving well. The mares are fat and happy. The old man (Lesat, who is 30) seems to have recovered from a mild colic. So, for this moment I am blessed with healthy animals and I ,too, am getting better. I don't feel 100% but I sure feel better than a week ago , so, healthy is relative and tonight I am happy.

Forced quiet time

I thought I would wrap up the tale of my thumb today with the last thoughts on hospital stays. Some nurses were very nice but, if you do not have an advocate for you on a long stay( a week), they really control your comfort for good or bad. Now morphine is a wonderful drug but I do not tolerate it very well. Early on in this adventure a kind nurse said if she diluted it and gave it to me slowly, then it shouldn't be a problem. She was right . No more upchucking, thank god. So, I was very careful to tell every shift of nurses to please dilute the morphine. Most did just that and I as fine. However, one rushed soul didn't really listen and just grabbed my IV and proceeded to shoot me up with "straight" morphine. I know I am a light weight in the drug department but it feels like a great rush up your neck and then a kind of exploding lightness and warmth in the head. I hate the feeling . It makes my head slam back on the pillow and I'm in la-la-land immediately. Then I start to throw up for hours. Really unpleasant. This nurse realized what she had done, apologized and was nice to me the rest of the time, but I paid for that little lapse in her listening to a repeated request by throwing up for 6 hours!

There were other similar incidents, small but significant to me in terms of comfort levels. The nice young surgeon did have to come back and really operate on my thumb because the joint was infected. They put me under because I would not let him touch me otherwise! It went smoothly and he says successfully. He butterflied my thumb and lavaged the joint and then put it back together. I now have what looks like Frankenstein's thumb attached. He says it will all be fine in about 6 weeks. I can only trust- it looks awful and it stills hurts a lot.

The real bummer is I can't hunt, I can't even ride. My hunt was invited to an Away fixture today with a hunt from Delaware. It was a lovely day and I couldn't go. Oh well.

I did go grocery shopping with a girlfriend who really appreciated my company this morning. She is having a tough time. We went to the fancy "gucci" whole foods store and spent too much money on exotic cheeses and pumpkin mousse pies but it was fun. I listened to my son's basketball game on the internet, he won!! The puppy is a delight and life has taken a jog. I will just have to enjoy the new scenery for a while.

Happy I am Home

We have a new puppy, Leonidas, or Leo for short. He is a 9 wk old yellow Lab and he is gorgeous. I figured this is a really good time to do the puppy dance , while I am relatively limited in activities by my injured thumb (read cat-bit thumb). Instead of feeding, grooming and riding all my horses I can puppy-sit/train Leo! Actually he really is adorable- what is it about puppies that makes everyone just ooh and say," Awww, coochie-coochie, you are s000 cute, puppy,puppy"!!

While I miss the horse chores, he is a wonderful distraction and boredom-reliever. I saw the black & white cat that bit me in the barn this morning. I think he will /has become the ghost cat- so timid ,it was a split-second glimpse before he disappeared. It's OK as long as he kills mice- tho' aptly named Spike before, I am now calling him Phantom.

I did say I would say something about my hospital stay. though it now seems gone and done and not worth recounting. However it was such a departure from my regular life I want to share some observations. Usually I am home alone on a farm, working with animals- horses. Communication is primarily non-verbal and I get a lot of exercise. My hospital stay required I talk to a lot of people and stay still for long periods of time, both really hard for me. But I had lots of time to watch how medical staff treat patients.

The infectious disease doctor was the epitome of "doctor TV -type", warm, concerned, older guy. Great , I could relate. But from here I went to the emergency room to start IV drip antibiotics and had a chance to watch ER room from patients point of view. Now, I am a fan of Grey's Anatomy and the old ER, so you get a sense of it from the hassled TV doctor's side from these shows. What seems to be the reality is medicine is drowning in paperwork . It was endless waiting, going from one clerk type to the next and being told to keep waiting. It is a game . My doctor correctly assessed that I would get a hospital bed faster if I went thru the ER. This meant I was in ER halls with every uninsured person who had the flu, swine or otherwise, colds, cuts, bee stings, knife wounds etc etc. I saw one woman with a kid, who obviously just had a cold, park herself in a comfortable lounger chair,tell the kid to sit and then went to sleep. So, this kid is coughing, sneezing and running around , messing with everything. No wonder everyone gets sick in the ER. It has become an outpatient " free- health" clinic. I eventually was treated and sent to a room but the average wait in ER is ridiculous and if you don't have someone bugging the staff for you- forget it , you are going to be there forever. I cannot imagine the horribleness that will come from Obama's health care reform if even more people start going to ER's for simple care, or if more and more paperwork is needed, as seems the case anything with the government aegis on it.

So I got to a room, tagged, numbered, labeled, coded whatever. They put me to bed (surprisingly comfortable), started pain meds and told me I would live !! Some of these nurses were really nice. They take the time to tell you what is going on, which pain med might work better, if the surgeon is good- just talk to you like a person they were being nice to. Some, however, really are Nurse Ratchett. They should not be nurses. They obviously don't want to be there and sure as shooting, they don't want to be nice to you. They don't want any questions and if you are a "problem", well, they just don't answer your pages on the little call button . Too bad, they are in control and you are not!. Thankfully most of mine were pretty nice.

The next day, I needed an orthopedic surgeon. The one we find turns out to be great but he is my son's age!. Or looks it. I can tell he is really keen on his profession. He is eyeing my swollen, discolored thumb like a shark eyes a hurt fish. I am dead meat and he gets to cut me open and look at tendons, bones, muscles and he seems as happy as a pig in sh--. He can't wait. Literally.

After saying he is checking on someone in an operating room, he runs back in 10 minutes later with his portable dissecting kit ( or whatever). Now this, unfortunately , is right at shift change time. One set of nurses is leaving and one is coming. The longer you stay in hospital the quicker you realize , don't try to get anything or ask for anything at this time- it ain't gonna happen. So,the nurses are not paying attention and this Young! man proceeds to slice open my thumb to the bone. He numbed it with King Kong's needle but after 20minutes of pulling, poking, prodding, cleaning and debriding he flushes it and and smiles triumphantly. At which point I

reminded him I had been given NO PAIN MEDS!!!. He looked a little worried and then real worried as I proceeded to scream -MORPHINE NOW!!!! My poor husband held my hand while I tried to keep breathing thru excruciating pain until one nice nurse ran to get morphine. She was just shaking her head at this ridiculous oversight on his part. He actually said to me at one point, " You've had kids, just do the breathing" - I hurt too bad to smack him, which I would have if I could have.

The sun is now shining. I get to go feed with my husband . I will finish this tomorrow. It is so nice to be home.

Giving Thanks

I have been out of Blogging- touch for about 10 days because a cat bit me!. Sounds innocuous but I am here to tell you that everyone should treat a real cat bite -fangs to the bone- with the utmost respect and caution. I was in hospital, almost to the point of septic shock, within about 24 hrs. Immediately on an IV antibiotic drip, with thumb joint surgery imminent. Now, 11 days later, Thanksgiving Day, I am home and so grateful for so many things. Which will be the focus of this blog. I will tell everyone about my hospital adventure which was extraordinary in a later blog. It is a tale.

But, today, I want to give thanks. I want to thank modern medicine and the American medical system, which may be flawed but is so much better than just about anywhere else. 100 years ago I probably would have died from this stupid cat bite. Really! So kudos to my surgeon, the infectious disease specialists and all the overworked nurses who made my life run the gamut from absurdly surreal to real kindness in the hospital. Next, I want to thank my husband for being there for me through it all with love, patience and grace. I know I am not an easy patient- way too controlling, as he oft reminds me!!- but he held my hand while they sliced my thumb open (without the benefit of pain killers). He tried to make me warm when I was shaking with cold in septicemia, and he is still lovingly, patiently giving me IV drip antibiotics 3x a day, which for this controlling, bitchy woman is an exercise in surrender. Aaagh!

I want to thanks my kids, who came or called everyday, to tell me they loved me. Thank you, I love you too. Thank you to my former husband, with whom, I had the best three kids in the world, and who called to wish me well. I am blessed to have family and friends all around me. My friends are the best. Thank you, thank you for all the visits, the phone calls, the laughter and the encouragement. My horse friends were sure this was a joke. They all might expect to hear I was thrown, or kicked or trampled by a horse, but to be sidelined by a cat bite was just too funny- so we laughed. My friends keep coming by to help with IV's (thank you Pam) or with horses and feeding (thank you Laura) or just giving support. You guys make my world an infinitely better place. Today my heart is open and surrendering to the goodness in the universe.

Which brings me to the idea of "passing it forward". We all care for each other. Today I am supported, tomorrow I give love and encouragement. This is what I have learned by being humbled by a cat. During the past week, my friends have also suffered some unbearable sadnesses. Our friend who was thrown from his horse passed away last Saturday. He will be missed terribly and all we can do is rally around his wife and give her our help and love and comfort. Another friend is counting on the same love and comfort, from her friends, as she is coming to a tough time in a cancer fight.

So, Give Thanks to all the important people in your life. Love and cherish and laugh and cry together - we are all so connected. And I am grateful for the wonderful animals in my life, my

horses and dogs and, yes, even the cats, are beautiful and full of unconditional love. Thank you.

Friends

The sun is coming up and I believe today will actually be sunny! Changes one's whole mood , that little bit of sunshine. Fox-hunting was cancelled for wet ground, but I was going to miss anyway 'cause I am going to Lexington to watch my son's basketball game. Now I don't have to feel torn about leaving my responsibilities as whip.

We had some friends over for dinner last night. Salmon en croute and chocolate mousse for dessert, tho' all the guys wanted the homemade apple pie instead of chocolate. Go figure. I always make an apple pie because then the house smells really good. (This was especially a good idea this time, because we think something has crawled in near the front foundation and died- didn't smell so nice and we can't find it!) Anyway, good friends and good food make up my favorite evening. I like to cook a nice meal and share it, drink enough wine that I am a little buzzed and listen to my friends really talk about their lives. When we stop and really listen to each others lives they are so interesting. One friend is writing a screenplay, another is in the midst of a major house renovation, another just hosted a major dressage "evening" with an expert in the field, one just kayaked for a week in Panama. I love my friends. I missed the couple of friends who couldn't come because of a ongoing fight with cancer in the family.

I guess I am writing about cherishing my friends because that is what really works in my life. I cherish my kids ( but they are starting to leave the nest), I love my husband - he is my best friend and the constant in my life, but my friends are all the interesting, wonderful parts of this world brought close and personal. I get to see the world through their eyes during conversations and that gives me "larger" vision. I see a bigger world. This is not always beautiful, but even in sorrow and pain I feel a connection that brings me close to another soul and that is what life is about. I have a feeling the angels are approaching my friend that had the accident on horseback last week. My heart goes out to his wife, a dear friend, and I call and leave messages on her phone- just to reach out. I can send her my support and friendship through our connection because she has too much to bear right now. Love and prayers, Gwen.

Rain,rain go away

It is pouring outside. And we are supposed to get inches more. What happens when you cross a nor'easter with a hurricane? A real mess that stays too long. I am glad it is not snow, that would be worse. The horses barely come out of their run-in sheds. I brought the weanlings in last night, one of them seems to get rain rot very easily , so they are not very happy but dry!! The St.Averil filly is downright nasty. I sigh and realize I have to deal with the little devil until a year from now. Sometimes this is just hard work. This is when you know you love horses, when it is raining and cold and you still have to get in the Gator and go feed and fix fence posts and stick your hand under blankets to see if they are still waterproof. Thankfully yes!

Watching Keeneland Sales

I can watch the Keeneland sales on the TV and follow on the laptop to see if the bids are real or RNA's. Modern technology is amazing. The sales seem down, this is first day of Keeneland November with the best mares in the country for sale and the prices seem moderate. There are a lot of outs - so I think the market is realistically saying there are too many horses being bred, and not enough buyers. Azeri, a Horse of the Year , brought 2.250Million, only 7 figure bid of the day.

I know I am not breeding some of the mares next year.

My friend who was injured on Sunday is stable , which is good. Today, the third day, should see the swelling in brain go down some and then we still wait to see what happens. Prayers and healing thoughts go out to him and his wife from all of us. I include the Ft. Hood families in my prayers as well.

Strange, the news today is all about the execution of the DC sniper. Life and death and the balance of the universe is beyond my understanding. All I know is to love the people in my life and try to do right by everyone all the time. Simple. Dealing with horses is so much easier than people. Horses react from fear almost always, but if you know this, you can predict their behavior most of the time and act accordingly. In that sense they are very straight up. " Scare me and I'm going to run, love me and I will try to trust you and do what you want." My two young mares , off the track, are starting to trust. They are enjoying their walks in the woods and are both actually jumping really well. Small steps but it is very rewarding .

A phone call away from your knees

"A phone call away from your knees"- these lyrics from a popular song have always caught my attention with a whisper of anxiety. It is so true that at any moment our well-being or happiness could be changed completely by a single simple act. A friend of mine was thrown from his horse, on a quiet trail ride near his house. Attacked by a strange dog, the horses bolted and my friend was thrown to the road where he suffered a very serious head injury. Now in an Intensive Care Unit at the hospital where he was taken, he is on a very long, solitary journey. He is in a deep coma, and we can only hold vigil with his wife and wait. The phone call came yesterday morning and we all fell figuratively to our knees and said a simple prayer for our friends. And we continue to say a prayer for his recovery. My husband and I hugged each other and said those words, "Please take care when you ride, always wear your helmet ( my friend had his helmet on), take your cell phone...". Hug the ones you love, call your kids and your mom. Love one another.

Zenyatta rules!!

Zenyatta rocked. She beat the boys and who knows she might beat Rachel!!. Hope we find out one day- that is what horse racing is about. Zenyatta stayed very cool and waited , waited and when asked she turned on a great finish. Girl power.

My little retired race filly, Polly, went to her first horse show today and got three ribbons. She was sooo good. Did the hack, and jumped all the fences on outside course really well. I am so proud of her. As proud as the Mosses must be of Zenyatta.

Sometimes these horses just give their all and you can't help but be proud of them, and awed by them.

Breeder' Cup

The fillies and mares showed their stuff yesterday. Awesome! I still wish it was on one day though, but enjoyed watching the best of the best. My mares are at their feed tubs , dreaming of future little track stars- they are all pregnant this year. It was all frosty this morning in Maryland, but is now warming up to a beautiful day. Can't wait to watch the big girl run- Go Zenyatta!

November means Basketball!

I was at my son Will's Parents Weekend at college this past weekend. It was wonderful to see him and to watch him play basketball again. I think watching any athlete, any sport , whether it is basketball players or racehorses is inspiring. I know from my son what an immense commitment of time and energy this sport has required. He has been happy to dedicate his teenage years to learning this sport and his coaches have all been impressed with the focus and determination that he has shown. It is this "heart" that you can't make somebody or some racehorse have- they either are born with the desire to be first or not. One can learn essential skills and train the body to be a perfectly functioning machine , but the quintessential spark that lifts the normal "good" athlete to be an extraordinary performer is "heart".

When we watched "Mine That Bird" win the Derby after that phenomenal run up the rail, we all remarked about the little horse's heart and determination. We all loved the Seabiscuit story and remember the movie Rudy, about the Notre Dame football player who only played once but his heart inspired his whole team. Brett Favre has earned our respect and love because he just won't quit. Zenyatta and Rachel Alexandra have taken our breath away this year with extraordinary talent and heart. You go, Girls!

And to my son, you go dude. You are an inspiration and I am very proud to know you.