our unconscious fears......

I woke this morning, sleepily saying goodbye to hubby and laughingly reported my dreams. Our unconscious must process those daytime fears and worries we have everyday and perhaps do not process at the time. As most of you know I whip for our foxhunt. One of my "duties" is to be ahead of huntsman as he draws through the woods and "coverts", so if there is any problem I can flank him and help the hounds. So, I woke from a dream that involved being way out of position hunting.  My huntsman was  yelling at me to cover one side while giving his location. Aghast ( in a dream) I realize he is miles from me and I need to get there yesterday! So, in the dream , I am madly galloping along roads and through fields, that look vaguely familiar, all the while trying to figure out how to get there from here!!. Complicating this dream sequence is the fact that the whole field has gotten lost and is now trying to follow me. They all think I know where to go, even tho'  I am just "galloping " by the seat of my pants, because in the dream nothing looks right and actual hunting locations are all mixed up in the dream. The fears of a "whipper-in"! The other really funny thing was that I was doing taxes just before bed last night and I remember, before being suddenly on my horse, I was doing double-entry accounting. I was thoroughly stumped on how to offset one entry and just going over columns and ledgers in my head- in my dream! This is what accountants must dream about !
On a somber note, I cannot imagine the nightmares that the survivors of the earthquake and tsunami must have. Can you imagine reliving a wall of water coming at you! Unbearable. My prayers continue for the Japanese and I hope the powers that be can contain the nuclear problem.

best buddies

My heart goes out to the Japanese people. Earthquake, tsunami, nuclear explosions, and I heard last night that a volcano is erupting in southern Japan! Another reactor explosion, hoping to avoid a meltdown- this seems like wrath of God stuff.  The rays of good news are the survivors rescued off rooftops at sea, little kids plucked from the waters, families reunited. Everyone is coming together to help. I pray that the reactor does not create another calamity. Families can survive if they have each other and new families are created by strangers just coming together. In the face of such hardship all that is really important is staying close and hugging the ones you love.

earthshaking....

The world has actually changed since the Japan quake. Apparently their coastline is different by 8 feet- not sure in which direction?- and the length of the day was shortened! These concepts boggle my mind. I know they say it is milliseconds but something so concrete as the length of our day changing in the fraction of an eye is deeply unnerving. I felt an earthquake once in Alaska and I remember being very disoriented by the shaking of the ground. It is not supposed to move!   I feel so sad for the people of Japan, especially those villages that apparently were swept away. They can't find a train, a whole train- that is hard to get your brain around. The pictures that really shocked me were the day after, when the sun was peeking out again and these poor people were picking through the mud and massive debris. Ordinary people in little rubber boots, wrapped in blankets, looking at utter devastation. How can, what,  6 hours of Mother Nature's mayhem, destroy your world so completely and then, next morning,  the sun comes back out, the wind dies down, the water recedes  and everywhere else in the world, everyone just starts a new normal day, while you are looking at the end of everything you knew. That is man's fragility handed to him on a platter. We are so unheeding of the forces of the natural world until they bring us to our knees. We are all Japanese in those moments of complete vulnerability to destruction. Yesterday I checked the forsythia for yellow buds - yes they are budding- but what I saw, was a bird's nest built of twigs, twine, plastic bags, a little bit of everything. I was struck by the fact that it was still there after the very high winds we have had this past month . I have had lots of big tree limbs down after this month's rain and storms, but this little nest stayed put in a forsythia shrub. Go figure.  I wish the Japanese much sunshine and I hope the world helps them recover.

Fairfax and lots of rain today

Fairfax was a lot of fun, though a long way to drive and a relatively short hunt. The first fox we jumped ran 2/3rd of the country's perimeter. Lucky for us, he kept turning right ( they must feed this fellow well) and stayed in-country. Lovely big rolling hills and scenery. Rain was coming in so we cut it short and Fairfax members hosted a lovely tailgate. It is always nice to say Hi to friends who live over on that side of beltway now. This morning it is pouring. The rain is here to stay for a day or so but at least it is warm enough. I took blankets off broodmares a while ago.  Very, very muddy but the sap is rising and it will be greener after this. Looks like parts of the country got hit very hard by this storm. Sam and Stephanie are looking at an early October wedding now. Funny how the universe works, this time of year was her initial choice  last year!

last hunts of this year

I am going to hunt with Fairfax today, possibly Piedmont on Saturday  and Andrews Bridge next week , as well as our last March hunts on Wednesdays  and Sundays.  The weather is OK, rain holding off,  I hope and warm enough. I love this time of year. The horses are fit and happy, eating the early spring grass and running around for the pleasure of it.  Sarah is back in LA, wedding around the corner. Will is doing awesome with his interviews for summer internships and Sam and Stephanie are figuring out the next plan. Sam is a very lucky man, Stephanie's true devotion and support for him is a lovely thing to witness. I see wonderful lives unfolding all around me, not without their trials, but the journeys that my kids have begun  fill me with joy for them. It is awesome indeed to see your children loved and loving in return!

early March spring rising

Spring madness. Basketball is coming but I am talking about a whirlwind visit by Sarah for her East Coast bridal shower. It was a wonderful few days and we packed lots of last minute wedding planning into it. Sunday night ended with a game of "fish bowl" enjoyed by all, sitting in the living room being silly. Lots of love and laughter,  just the perfect way to wrap up. Will had come home too. Love you all.  Sunday was a very rainy, warm but lots of rain and then Monday dawned with the green promise of spring around the corner. The willow tree had changed from bare branches to green overnight. Everyone noticed the peepers sound and the forsythia is dusted with yellow buds. The pregnant mare has been sent to foaling farm ( too close to Sarah's wedding to foal here), the other mares are due to ship to Kentucky in a week. I still go back and forth about breeding last mare in Maryland. I know stupidity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Am I being stupid or being smart by breeding when everyone else has stopped? Wish I had a crystal ball. I will wait until after March 15-16 when Maryland legislature has to approve changes in racing/slot money allocation. If it isn't approved I may want to still wait. So sad that Maryland racing has declined to this point. NO support from Maryland lawmakers at all it seems.

I heard the peepers yesterday!!!!

Yesterday was warm and beautiful in the morning. Hunting was cancelled with HCIB because of impending rain so I rode the girls through the woods and I heard the spring peepers! Deep in the woods, in the boggy marsh they were in full throated roar. It was softer than usual but definitely there. DA-DA - they are my first harbingers of Spring, the sound that gives me a boost when it is still cold. Today is the first of March. As I changed the calendar page on my birthday calendar, the one where I record important milestones, I realized it has been eleven years since my brother died. I was hunting that day at Dodon. It was a lovely morning and I will never forget breaking fingers in a crazy bucking horse incident  and then learning he had passed away, losing his cancer battle. Today I paused and thought, my Mom, Dad and brother, Ian, are now together  in heaven or wherever, watching the three of us girls, my sisters and I, and all the love and drama of our lives. I miss you and am really glad that you are together. I know that you will all be watching when my girl and boy walk down the aisle with respective spouses in the next two months. We will be smiling and thinking of you three angels, knowing you are not far away at all. Love and miss you.